For two years after the surgery, I will sing the praises of one donor per day on Twitter. I will pair you with a unique alpaca picture and the alpaca will sing about you in its strange but beautiful tongue.
In a personalized video message, I will look deep into your eyes from across the void of the Internet and exclaim my love for you with my mouth full of a unique food. Each video features a different food.
My alpaca Ingrid (pictured above), star of ALPACA RUN, will send you a personalized message in the snail mail because she is old-fashioned. In order for Ingrid to produce the most thorough message possible, please leave your astrological sign and a link to your most salient web presence as a comment.
Because of your generosity, we will be super vagina friends forever. To honor this occassion, I will send you a laminated certificate that certifies our super rainbow vagina friendship. It will be signed by me and my vagina.
A few days before the surgery, I'll host a super long Google Hangout happy hour during which close friends and I will hang out and assuage my nervousness. I won't be drinking but you're welcome to do so! A $100 donation grants you VIP access to this Google Hangout. Come wish me well, read me a poem and listen to me cry! We'll be rotating people in and out. *Alcohol not provided
You'll receive a T-shirt with "Chief Vagina Engineer" emblazoned on the front. There will be no context for this. Wear at your own risk. Corey and I will also visit an alpaca farm this summer and take a family portrait. Using this portrait, we will create our own holiday greeting card. Corey will be wearing a crown. I will be wearing a tiara. We will only make 8 of these cards. You'll also receive a letter from Ingrid and a VIP spot at the Pre-Surgery Virtual Happy Hour.
For your bravery and sacrifice, I will commission a special trophy that proclaims you a MYTHICAL VAGINA WARRIOR. This will be very embarrassing for me to order at a trophy shop. Only four of these trophies will ever exist. You should treasure yours forever. You'll also receive a letter from Ingrid and a VIP spot at the Pre-Surgery Virtual Happy Hour.
I will write, record and mail you a personalized song about you, written from the perspective of my brand new vagina. Please allow three months post-surgery for delivery. You'll also receive a letter from Ingrid and a VIP spot at the Pre-Surgery Virtual Happy Hour.
Congratulations, wealthy venture capitalist! You have just paid for my entire vagina in one fell swoop. You have also paid for me to fly to your location (in North America, UK or Australia only) in the summer of 2014 and have dinner with you in a public location. I will listen to all of your problems and hand feed you (no more than three) grapes. Then I will fly home. You'll also receive a letter from Ingrid and a VIP spot at the Pre-Surgery Virtual Happy Hour.
Now spread the word
Reach out to your social networks and start raising funds now!
Email or text your campaign link
Personal messages work best at exciting your community.Copy Link