How do you do?
We are TellTails, a small, independent toymaker based in, Hackney Wick,
East London who makes wearable animal tails for adults and children alike.
Our idea is simple, we want to raise enough funds to successfully sponsor
London’s famous Boris Bikes for the next 4 years.
We believe the current Boris Bikes are not only bland and boring, but that they bear the name of a large banking firm that most Londoner's would rather throw eggs at then ride with pride.
We are here to change that.
We believe in a London bike sponsored by the people, for the people. A bike that represents the natural irreverence, exuberance and rebellious nature of the British people.
A wild, wonderous bicycle that one might mount to feel like a Saxon king rather then a banal banker.
And we believe that we have the answer.
Ladies and Gentlemen, hold on to your hamsters, and allow us to introduce…
The Boris Beast!
No longer will Londoners arrive to work on a two wheeled turd or a navy blue nightmare.
The Boris beast, complete with new animal print paint job and massive, realistic, billowing tail means that you can now ride to work on a Steed! a Stallion!You sir, can arrive to work on your very own BATTLE CAT!
Need we say more??
I thought not.
Read on to find how to make this dream a reality and turn the streets of London into a serngeti of style.
Welcome to the jungle.
What We Need & What You Get
We need to raise £37,500,000 in order to sponsor the bikes.
All of this money pays for everyone and everything that happens to ensure that there are Boris Beasts kept and maintained on our streets for the next 4 years. It also pays for the new animal print paint jobs and all associated items, including maintenance trucks, docking pedestals, and uniforms also get the beastly treatment.
We have a range of perks available for different levels of donation.
This is an ‘All or Nothing’ campaign. This means if we do not reach our funding target in 60 days then everyone gets refunded.
- Boris Beasts aren’t just an act of style, they are a political statement that shows no longer do we want London's bikes adorned with the moniker of avaricious squander monkeys.
only does the Boris Beast pose an excellent answer to adding some jazz to this
pedal powered porkchop, but the newly added tail acts as a superior mud guard, enveloping the rider in its furry clutch and protecting them from the mean streets of London.
- Boris Beasts are a tourist
attraction in themselves and will show London and the UK as a beaming example
of the importance of having a sense of humour.
- Boris beasts also serve a social purpose by crowbarring a smile onto even the
most sullen of Londoner's faces.
Risks & Challenges
The beauty of
this idea is that it is risk free!
Once we have donated the funds in total to TFL, they are obliged to turn every
bike into a beast.
The only real challenge is rallying the masses to say yes to the Boris Beast,
and dig deep into their saggy pockets.
Other Ways You Can Help
Want to help but are a bit wafty in the wallet? No problem!
Just help spread the word in any way you can, post about us
on facebook, maybe a tweet or 2, pin us on pintrest, inst us on instagram or
talk about us on tinder. If you
don’t have your own laptop you can just shout about us in the streets, incorporate us into a beat boxing routine or mime about us on south bank. It all helps.