You rock, you are doing what you can. We have been there and, frankly both appreciate it and totally dig the support.
While perhaps you cannot jump right into the freeloader, with the future being what it is, everybody needs shades. Having sifted through many forgettable options, we feel like these can pick you up when life throws you down.
PLEASE ADD THIS PERK AND PURCHASE SEPARATELY IF SHIPPING INTERNATIONALLY. THANK YOU.
We here at FreeLoader HQ we dig on the soft T's. So we don't expect you to be any different. This isn't going to be a 5mm thick 100% cotton, starched and scratchy and usable as a fire suppressant. This shirt is going to fit just righteous, not pulling on your biceps or nothing. Just form-fitting, the way we know, that you know, that we know you like em. And we'll drop some of the Aviators in too, just in case your glove box is a little light.
We have a potty trained carpenter with years of experience in casa and we are not afraid to use him. We will custom make a one of a kind, worthy, wooden sword for your noble journey. With jewels that look like marbles (or the other way around) nobody will slight your sword again. While we don't recommend them for self defense in the event the perp has a swimming noodle, know this, you will probably win.
Now some people are cooler than others (think Don Johnson) and some music is a touch classier than the next (think Coltrane). Come to find out, the same can be said for stools. These little nuggets are hand crafted (as opposed to foot) and painted by hand as well. And after all, who doesn't want to give a child a step up in life?
The lucky first remaining 30 people who order a Freeloader will get an even better price. Almost half the price, but just as nice. Rest assured dear reader, you will walk away with a happy Freeloader. PRICE INCLUDES $10 SHIPPING FEE. FOR INT'L ORDERS, PLEASE, PLEASE, PURCHASE ADDITIONAL $20 SHIPPING PERK ON A SEPARATE TRANSACTION.
The Freeloader. Now you can be one of the first (if you're into that kink of thing) to secure a Freeloader. Think of the looks, the oohs and ahhs, the whispers and jealousies. This is a full $100 off the sticker pricE, no haggling necessary. PRICE INCLUDES $10 SHIPPING FEE. INT'L ORDERS PLEASE PURCHASE ADDITIONAL $20 SHIPPING PERK SEPARATELY.
Maybe you know someone, maybe you don't, regardless if you were to buy two, we can take a little off the top. They aren't like shoes, but two sitting next to each other is better than one. Think turtledoves. (We will email you as to the color you prefer!)
Make it four of a kind. These are for the well organized individuals who realize that if they pair up with others, they can save over 50% what the retail value is. I am a huge coupon dude, and I respect others with the same precondition. And we will throw in four swords. (We will email you as to the color you prefer!)
If you bring it, we can respond in kind. You will receive a local Austinite, fully vaccinated, who will drive you around for the entire music portion of SXSW. Yes that includes late nights and early mornings. We promise this individual will be knowledgeable in pertinent and amusing information but not super talkative. The perfect balance. And ya, we are throwing in a Freeloader as well.
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