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Send Chandler Parsons to Hawaii

Houston Rockets forward Chandler Parsons is overworked and underpaid. Let's send him on the summer vacation he deserves.

I'm on the Fence, Why Should I Send Chandler Parsons to Hawaii? And Who Are You?

I'm just a Houston Rockets fan who believes in a meritocracy, America, and a man named Chandler Parsons. 

This season, as a starting forward for the Houston Rockets, Chandler Parsons averages 15 points, 5 rebounds, and 3.5 assists per game. In one particularly memorable performance against Mark Cuban's Dallas Mavericks, Parsons sunk 32 points, hitting on his first 11 shots and finishing the game 12-13 from the field. Only one other NBA player this season has finished with at least 30 points on 90% shooting. That other player?

Lebron James.

Yet despite impressive game after game, Parsons is making less than a million dollars a year. And he's more or less locked into this contract for another two seasons. Grantland founder Bill Simmons called Parsons' contract one of the best bargains in the NBA. 

I ask, a bargain for who?

At a salary of $888,250 this year, Parsons barely takes home $10,000 a game. And that's before legal fees, agent fees, and taxes. At an average of 15 points/game - Chandler is earning roughly $666 a point. For a little helping of context: Kobe Bryant makes 27.8 million a year which averages out to about $339,000 a game. If Kobe made $666/point, he would need to average 509 points per game to match Parsons' efficiency. 

To make matters worse, mere weeks away from the playoffs, Chandler has been stricken with both a strained calf, food poisoning, and a crushing loss for his alma mater in the Elite 8 at the hands of Trey Burke and his Michigan Blue-ligans. This guy doesn't need to catch a break, he needs to catch the first flight out to Maui after the season ends! 

I whole-heartedly believe Parsons and his Rockets will go far in the playoff season. But, whether he goes for one last victory lap or all the way to championship glory, I think we can all agree Chandler deserves a little rest, relaxation, and hula. 

For the same price as an NBA jersey, a round of cold beers at your local sports pub, or nosebleed tickets to a Bobcats-Pistons game, you can help show Chandler Parsons your appreciation for an outstanding season. 

Donate if you think MVP stands for Most Valuable Parsons. 

So, What's Up with the $10,000?

Since he makes roughly $10,000 a game, we thought this extra "game" could be on us. Here's the cost estimate:

  • $3,000 for a first class (he's got long legs) round-trip ticket from Houston to Maui
  • $3,000 for a Deluxe Ocean View Room, $500/night x 6 nights
  • $1,500 for Food (he's 6'9", guy probably has a huge appetite)
  • $1,500 for Fun
  • $300 for Miscellaneous Expenses ;)
  • $700 for Indiegogo Processing Fee

This is a Fixed Goal Campaign, which means if we don't reach our goal, we don't get any of the donations, and Chandler Parsons doesn't get to go to Hawaii.

We are reaching out to Parsons's managment concurrent with this campaign to determine the best way to get him the funds. Meaning if, I mean when, we do reach our goal, we can get him on that first flight to Maui as soon as possible. 

How Will This Impact Chandler Parsons, and the World?

Honestly, we don't know. We can't really speak on behalf of Parsons, or the nearly 7 billion people living on this earth. What we can speak for is the many NBA fans who appreciate a good underdog story and are tired of all the inflated salaries going to too many mediocre players. 

I Want to Help Send Chandler Parsons to Hawaii, But I'm a Little Low on Funds Myself. 

Even if you can't contribute money, you can help contribute a little sweet, sweet social media currency to our campaign. Everyone can play an important role in giving Parsons a reason to say "Aloha" to the off-season.

Here's how you can help get the word out:

  • Use the hash tag #sendchandlerparsonstohawaii OR #scp2h to spread the word about our campaign
  • Make sure to use the amazing Indiegog share tools 
  • Write a biting letter to David Stern 

 

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