We'll follow you on twitter! Holy shit, you're famous! We're all going to be at lunch one day and somebody will walk up and say, "Hey you look familiar," and it'll be because Skeptech follows you on twitter.
We'll give you a pet rock. It might be painted, it might not. It could have a history, which makes sense, because rocks are old. It's a pet that never dies! Well, not within a human live span, usually. Geologic time. So it's slowly dying, just not as fast as you. I mean, we didn't mean to bring up the subject of your inevitable death, but, like, it was relevant. Shit. Sorry.
An organizer of your choosing will get e-married to you! For real! If real means non-contractual, non-binding, and non-creepy. We totally won't be creeptastic about this.
We'll make you a balloon Cthulhu! Yes, we know that there's no way to actually create an accurate physical representation of the tentacle god. We're that good.
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We'll make an overly-dramatic doodle of you riding a dinosaur of your choice. Over a mutherfuckin' volcano. And multiple rainbows. We don't play games. I mean, we do, but we're really really good at them. You'll be politely impressed.
Donate $35 and we'll mention you in a thank-you video! You probably wear Converse or fashionably off-color leather shoes. You call yourself a "benefactor of the arts." You think your name sounds pretty.
We'll tell you a salacious secret about of the organizers. We assumed this smutty piece of information will later be auctioned off on a remote island for an entirely reasonable amount of dollars. We've seen some shit, man.
Donate $100 or more and we'll assign you a Skeptech coffee lackey to make Starbucks/Caribou runs. Cost of coffee not included. Cost of organizer included.
Donate $250 and we'll make you a custom cupcake and our musical organizer, Xandra, will perform a little jingle about you. We're feeding you and wooing you with music. We're basically dating now.
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Donate $500 and you get a selection of the above perks, plus our beardly organizer, Brendan, will dye his beard a color of your choosing. Any color, including Barney the Dinosaur purple. Have you seen Barney's "I Love You" but in G major? It's terrifying.
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Donate $1000 or more and you can request a speaker for next year. We'll work with you to find a set of candidates who match our goals. We reserve the right to reject your suggestion if you suggest Ronald Reagan. He's dead. Also you need to evaluate your politics if you think we'd ever invite Ronald "trees cause more pollution than automobiles do" Reagan.
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