Freetail Delivery Lambo

Qrhaeooo2ssx1mekl1cl
Freetail Brewing Co. is about to enter the wholesale market, but we need a Lambo to make deliveries!
Thumbnail
Scott Metzger
Email Verified
Small Business
San Antonio, Texas
United States
1 Team Member

Short Summary

Below is close to the exact same project description I wrote in April 2013 when this project was originally rejected by Kickstarter. It has been rejected three times. The only things that has since changed:
  •  we are no longer considering entering the wholesale market, but we are finishing a new facility to supply the market. This is happening, only stressing the dire need for a Delivery Lambo. 
  • we have lowered our goal from the original Gallardo LP 570-4 Spyder Performante to $97,991. Where did this number come from? It's the lowest priced used Lambo I could find on AutoTrader (coincidently, it happens to be in San Antonio), plus the 9% in fees that IndieGoGo charges. We will buy as much Lambo as we can afford with the funds we raise. You'll note that we are not doing a flexible funding campaign, this is all or nothing. If we don't raise enough, you get your money back. We aren't here to scam you and make a buck. We are here because we need a MF'ing Delivery Lambo! If we can't get one, then we don't need your money!
  • If we vastly exceed our funding goal, we will buy multiple Lambos or maybe a delivery yacht. We won't use any of the proceeds to fund brewery expansion. We'll pay for all that on our own, because it seems kinda weird for a successful for-profit business to crowdfund an expansion.

What We Need & What You Get

Lemme break it down for you:

  • We are a brewpub in San Antonio that makes pretty awesome beers (at least we think so). Changes to the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Code have made it possible for us to sell our beer into the wholesale tier, so we will need a vehicle to deliver beer to accounts. Without a way to get beer to accounts, no beer can get to accounts, and all this legislative work would have been for nothing. Everyone hates it when the Government changes the law for NO REASON AT ALL, so it's really important we get a delivery vehicle.
  • After extensive market research, we have decided the best delivery vehicle for us is a Lamborghini Gallardo LP 570-4 Spyder Performante, featuring a 570-hp 5.2L V10 engine. Edmunds.com calls it a "wild yet civilized supercar" with "ferocious power" and "fantastic noises". (NOTE: As previously stated, we've decided any Lambo will do. This is really about the beer, not about fancy bells and whistles. It is really selfish of us to not be willing to accept any Lambo)
  • What's in it for you? High-fives mostly. This may not sound that awesome to you, but that's because you've never gotten a High-five from Scott Metzger. Ask anyone who knows, they are life changing. There are also a lot of other cool perks that we've just added in order to maximize your Lambo-providing buck.

Why This is Important

Now you might be asking yourself: "Why does their delivery vehicle need to be a Lamborghini Gallardo LP 570-4 Spyder Performante?" That one is easy. At Freetail, we believe in offering the highest quality, freshest beer possible. We could, theoretically, get a Ford EconoVan to make deliveries in, but those have a realistic estimated top speed of 90 mph. Our Delivery Lambo will be capable of making deliveries at upwards of 200 mph, which ensures more than DOUBLE THE FRESHNESS over leading competitors. We care about beer at Freetail, and caring about beer means caring about Freshness, and caring about Freshness means delivering beer in a Lambo.

Another question you might be asking yourself: "Freetail is a for-profit business, couldn't you just... like... you know... use your own money for this Delivery Lambo?"Another easy one. Yes, we could. But what fun would that be? It is time to cast aside the archaic economic philosophies of our forefathers that puts corporate funds at risk for ventures that only might possibly generate a positive return. Crowd Sourcing has revolutionized capitalism. Since you aren't expecting a return on investment, there is no risk for either of us. You get a cool prize (in this case, mostly high fives) and we get a Delivery Lambo, risk free. Business will never be the same now that risk has been eliminated from the investment decision. I'm an Economics Professor, you should trust me on this.

Last thought you might have: "This is Stupid." , NO - this is NOT stupid. Tired, millenia-old economic philosophies are stupid. The old "risk-reward" model of business has tried and failed. It brought us The Great Depression, Enron, WorldCom, and the Banking Crisis. Did it also bring us a bunch of other great stuff that facilitates the industrialized lifestyles we all love and enjoy? Sure, but recall I also said ENRON, which should trigger an emotional response trumping reality. It is time to move forward to a new world of entrepreneurship - a new world free of risk and full of awesomeness. And this Delivery Lambo is how we achive this Utopian Reality.

Risks & Challenges

The biggest risk this project faces is the ability to fit multiple kegs into the cab of a Lamborghini. But that is for us to deal with, so I wouldn't worry about it. That much.

The second biggest risk is that we can't find a suitable Lambo. In no case will we settle for a Ferrari. We will keep looking and even engage in eBay auctions if we have to.

Other Ways You Can Help

Don't have a buck to contribute? You can still help. Tell your friends about the importance of Delivery Lambos and why they should contribute.

$973USD
raised in 1 month
1% funded
No time left
$97,991 USD goal
Fixed Funding This campaign did not meet its $97,991USD funding goal by the deadline.
Campaign Closed
This campaign ended on August 21, 2014
Select a Perk
  • $1USD
    High Five Hero

    A high five from Scott Metzger himself, redeemable for any place within 3 feet of Scott Metzger. Please note that this is for a HIGH FIVE. Not for a handshake or a hug. Attempting to claim more than a high five will void your claim.

    3 claimed
  • $5USD
    Double High Five (High-Ten)

    The high five listed above, plus an extra one. Must be claimed in person at the same time as the high five. (Hey! Why isn't this 5 high-fives? Because the value of high-fives is exponential, obviously.)

    3 claimed
  • $10USD
    Tweet-Five!

    Everything above, plus Scott will tweet you as a thanks. This tweet will be read and potentially retweeted/favorited/ignored by over 4,000 followers!

    3 claimed
  • $25USD
    Rolling-Five!

    Everything above, plus your high five gets upgraded to a rolling five, where Scott will high five you out of the window of the Delivery Lambo in motion at low speeds (so neither you or Scott has a dismembered limb). Must claim by December 2014 on a designated Reward Day

    5 out of 1000 claimed
  • $100USD
    Lambo Sitter Hero

    Everything above, plus you get to sit inside of the Delivery Lambo for 60 seconds. Must claim by December 2014 on a designated Reward Day

    3 out of 500 claimed
  • $500USD
    Co-Pilot Hero

    Everything above, plus you get to ride around a parking lot or other open space in the Delivery Lambo for 2 minutes. Must claim by December 2014 on a designated Reward Day

    0 out of 250 claimed
  • $1,000USD
    Peter Parker (the other one)

    Everything above, plus you get to drive the Delivery Lambo and park it (away from any other cars, while not going faster than 10 mph). Must claim by December 2014 on a designated Reward Day

    0 out of 250 claimed
  • $2,500USD
    Hero From The Block

    Everything above plus you get to drive the Delivery Lambo around the block, with Scott Metzger as your passenger! Must claim by December 2014 on a designated Reward Day

    0 out of 100 claimed
  • $5,000USD
    Driving Hero

    You get to drive the Lambo for 1 hour with me as Co-Pilot (insurance requirements apply)

    0 out of 25 claimed
  • $7,500USD
    Insured Driver Hero

    I'll let you borrow the Delivery Lambo for 24 hours (insurance requirements apply). You will also get to suggest what color Lambo we get, but I may just ignore you.

    0 out of 25 claimed
  • $10,000USD
    ULTIMATE HERO

    This is the best prize! 1) You get to pick the license plate for the Lambo (subject to availability in the state of Texas) 2) You get to take a road trip with me from San Antonio to New York City where we will take a picture together in front of the HQ of a different crowdfunding website, flipping them the bird. I'll likely let you drive a good deal of the way (insurance requirements apply)

    0 out of 1 claimed
Do you think this campaign contains prohibited content? Let us know.
Other Campaigns You Might Like