Jesus was a biological man, with a man's needs and a man's XY chromosomes. Yet He was born of a virgin (Luke 1:26-38). Mary presumably had the standard two X chromosomes expected in women - so where did His Y chromosome and paternal genes come from?
Genetic information must have been transferred when the Holy Spirit "[came] upon [Mary]" (Luke 1:35). This genetic information must be of divine origin. If we can sequence it, it will be the ultimate triumph of human reason - for we will know the sperm of God.
What We Need & What You Get
There are two ways we can get Jesus' DNA. In Orthodox communion, the eucharist literally becomes the flesh of Christ. We will test the eucharist after digestion and identify any human DNA not belonging to the communicant. If we assume that every major branch of Christianity is equally likely to be right about whether the eucharist is literally or symbolically Jesus, this simple method alone gives us a 1 in 3 chance of getting hold of a piece of Him.
The second method is simply to bribe the owners of a Jesus relic to let us test part of it for DNA. Strong candidates include the Eucharistic Miracle of Lanciano, which is Jesus's living heart tissue, and the Holy Sponge, which is basically a crime-scene swab.
£10,000 for whole-genome sequencing of the communicant, to eliminate any non-Jesus DNA. (We will pick a communicant who can't be the second coming of Jesus, e.g. a woman).
£25,000 for genetic testing.
£5,000 for consultation with theologians, geneticists, private detectives etc
£10,000 to administer and manufacture rewards
As well as potentially providing proof that the Eastern Orthodox view of transubstantiation is correct, this project could lead to us being able to analyse Jesus's mutant DNA and replicate his powers:
Replicating seafood and grains by a factor of ~500-1000
Raising the dead
Walking on water (possibly using anti-gravity or neutrino beams)
Other Ways You Can Help
Even if you can't contribute, please promote this vital research on social media. We are keen to hear from you if you are baptised as Eastern Orthodox, with a letter from your church to prove it.