A communicatrix song pack
A personally-selected collection of MP3s by yours truly and some of my favorite female musicians. Includes a rare gem from the vault not yet available as a download ANYWHERE. (Attention: some of these songs—namely, mine—are guaranteed to offend delicate ears.)
A brand new Bee Franck design
That's right: superstar subversive cross-stitcher Bee Franck has created an exclusive pattern for donors to The 50-for-50 Project. You think my songs are delightfully offensive? Wait until you see the cross-stitch pattern.
Designer desktop wallpapers
I went to my favorite creative idols and begged them for stuff to make YOUR desktop look pretty and stay motivating. You'll enjoy a panoply of desktop goodness from luminaries like Mike Monteiro, Alissa Walker, Bee Franck, and, as they say on TV, more. Each wallpaper comes in 8 convenient sizes to fit any desktop perfectly, in style.
Digital MONSTER Pack
You get the MP3s, the pattern, the wallpapers AND a bonus copy of my hit poetry two-fer: the poem "How to Write a Poem", and the essay deconstructing it, aptly titled "How I Wrote "How to Write a Poem." This is available nowhere else, except for The World-Changing Writing Workshop, where it made Kyeli cry and all the poetry freaks overjoyed.
TextExpander for the Mac
Your own copy of my favorite and most-used software. I have saved almost 12 hours over my four years of using this program. In fact, I would not be typing this now if not for TextExpander. Seriously. My fingers would have fallen off a long time ago.
Ticket to the head-shaving*
Party down with me and 149 of my closest friends at my big, 50th-birthday shindig in the swanky Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles. There will be food and drinks, live performances, and a ringside seat at the shaving of my gigantic, ghostly-white. 8 1/4-sized head. Transportation not included. *Head-shaving contingent on meeting full donation amount; party happening regardless.
Customized Field Notes book
The pocket notebook of choice for the modern creative superstar, stamped with a special "50-for-50" logo on the outside, personally inscribed with a handwritten note of encouragement, love and (hopefully) inspiration on the inside. Enjoy it now to jot down stuff you need to remember, or save it to auction on eBay once I'm famous.
Your own WriteGirl poem
A custom poem written just for you by an actual WriteGirl. You send some details and the theme, she'll write you a poem. And then you will cry. It will be awesome.
Your own communicatrix poem
Same as above, only written by yours truly. (I have to charge more—my hands are 50-years-old. And tired.)
Your own communicatrix song
Celebrate your birthday, anniversary or whatever else you like with a custom-written song by yours truly. Includes a down-and-dirty video of me singing your song, accompanying myself on guitar. Public sharing on the communicatrix blog and/or YouTube channel optional.
I don't do any copywriting anymore, period. But I'm lifting the ban for three lucky people, who can hire me to spruce up their horrible bio. All you people who've been hammering me for this? PONY UP. For the children.
I dedicate my 1st book to you
Yes, it's a lot of money. But this means you beat out my 8th-grade teacher, my sister, my dead parents, their dead parents, and, if I'm involved in a serious relationship at the time of publication, my significant other. Besides, if you can give away $50K, you already have everything money can buy. But I'll throw in a Digital MONSTER Pack, a custom notebook, and a party invite (fly your own jet there). And if you play your cards right, you might even get the first shave.