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Our Story

Sejal is not your ordinary thirty-something-year-old living in London. A professional Kathak dancer (a traditional Indian dance form), her childhood passion takes her across the UK, however, her performances are often paid in ‘gestures’ and during a time of global recession expired gift vouchers and Vegetarian meals only go so far.

Described as ‘loveable but too honest’, she is a free spirit who acts first and thinks later but no secret at all, is the fact that she cannot find a husband...no matter how hard she tries.     

 

As a British Indian, it is considered not normal for a woman her age to be unmarried. Still living at home, she is reminded daily that she is not getting any younger and that her “clock” is not going to “tick” forever, her parents fearing they will not live to see grandchildren.   

 

Sejal has tried speed dating, Internet dating to lonely hearts ads and Hindu matchmakers, even attempting to turn men in Gay clubs- to no avail. Sejal has given herself six months to find Mr Right herself before allowing her family to "arrange" someone for her- the local cornershop owner's son being the most likely candidate.

Frustrated, she has decided that the only way to resolve this "problem" is to do what no other woman has done before on film and take flight from England and travel to her native Mumbai, India to find a match.

 

Through this fly-on-the-wall documentary, to be shot in India in February 2012 (filming in England commenced on 25/12/11), we will follow Sejal’s adventures - or rather misadventures across India, as she meets men through traditional and rather untraditional dating methods; dating counselors, marriage bureaus, poster campaigns, whilst enlisting the help of gurus to rid her of her ‘curse’ and learning that there is more to a call centre worker than cold calling and a fake Christian name.

 

Sejal’s endeavours to find a partner will lead her to exploring the social class and religion structures of India as well as trying to understand the complexities of the institution of marriage and the pressures on women around the world to enter wedlock, from those who have been married for over fifty years to those who have not even given it a thought.

 

The documentary promises to be a personal journey that is moving, provocative and dramatic as much as it is a comedy-of-errors.

 

Will India find her the man of her dreams?

 

Will she have to face reality that there really is no one out there for her?

 

Is the problem the men in the world? Or is it that she needs to deal with all her insecurities and consider herself worthy of being loved?

 

Sejal is Desperately Seeking Husband.

The Impact- Sejal's testimony

Raised a British Indian by a Sikh father and Hindu mother, into a family of three girls, presided over by grandparents and cousins galore, it was expected if not inevitable that all three of us would at some point marry a “good” Indian boy from a “nice” family.

This is an expectation that is not just unique to me but shared by many Indians, men and women around the world.

I have managed to defy expectation up until now by travelling and working abroad using "career building" as my get-out clause but now I am 33 and a woman of my age to still be unmarried is not acceptable. Ever more so, as only a few months ago my younger sister married and flew the nest so the focus is firmly now on me. Needless to say there is daily pressure from not only those closest to me but people from the local community to find a partner and settle down, considering this their duty. 

This is to the extent that on Boxing Day 2011, I visited a family friend to pay my condolences as they had unexpectedly suffered a loss and my friend's mother proceeded through the evening to quiz me about my relationship status and that she could introduce me to her son who is now "ripe" for marriage. It would be difficult to script a darker comedy of my life if you tried.   

It's not like I haven't been looking either; I've tried speed dating, singles night, introductions through friends and family, the list goes on but alas there so far has not been any “potential”. In the past I have dated two types of Asian men (none of who my family approved of and in retrospect was a blessing in disguise!) and "other men" ('of a different race'), who as much as they swooned and I was infatuated with, I should never have got involved with from the outset, for more reason than one.

If I am honest I cannot remember the last serious relationship I had.  

Recently made redundant by the investment company I was working for, facing interview rejection after interview rejection, I am following my parent's insistence to "fix" this problem and I have given myself six months before I allow my family to find me someone.

I've thought about running away but that is a thing of movies and there is no way I could live without my family even if I tried. I think secretly getting married or at least trying to find a partner of my own is worth exploring, if not to say I at least tried.  

So where do I go next from here?

 

For as long as I can remember, my sisters and I have always been told of the story of how my parents, like many other couples of their generation, moved to the UK/USA to provide a more secure and financially stable future for their children. And granted, we have never felt like we have missed out on our Indian background just because we live in the UK.

I’ve heard of many British Indian men, who after unsuccessfully finding a suitable partner in the UK, will fly to India to specifically find an Indian bride. But I’ve never known or even heard of a British Indian woman attempting to find a groom in India. And I’ve never questioned it, up until recently.

 

My family strongly believe that Indian men from India will find it hard to accept Indian women from a Western background and a British Indian woman will find it difficult to adjust living in an Indian household in India. I'm determined to change their perception.

For is this not but in fact a stereotype that we as a society have created?

I am also guilty of jokingly saying that finding an Indian groom is the equivalent to finding a “freshie”.

Over the last 30 years the country has developed immensely in every aspect; from technology, employment, cinema, economy, all of which is built up by the people of India.

So why do we still assume that there is such a huge culture difference?

Are extended Indian families a sign of unity and strength or something that is just expected and not questioned?

 

Many of my single friends who live and work in Mumbai and Delhi are living independently and have a bigger and busier social life than I do over here in London!

 

Films such as Bollywood's Namaste London soared in India, why? Because the spoiled British Indian girl was brought back down to Earth and her culture by the hero, a.k.a the INDIAN boy from Punjab.

Is that how Western women have been built up to be perceived in India?

 

There is only one way to find out.

-Sejal Sehmi

Where will your money go?

Pre- Production

- Travel for recce in India in order to crew up, find accommodation, source camera and lighting equipment, set up production office, research locations and interesting people who could feature in the documentary (e.g. a married couple who have been in a relationship for 30 years).  

Production

-Travel to and around India for filming (transportation- bus, taxis, trains and auto rickshaws)
- Crew fees (basic rate)
-Accommodation for cast and crew
-Sustenance for cast and crew
- Dating service fees and donations
-Camera rental, storage devices and processing

Post-production

-Editing/ Grading
-Sound Mixing

Marketing/ Exhibition

- Posters, billboards, Internet trailers
- Clearances (e.g. music, video archive)
- Certification
- Screenings for distributors in UK and India

The Director

Shakir Kadri studied Psychology at the University of Hertfordshire and Screenwriting
at Whistling Woods International in Mumbai. During his time in India Shakir co-wrote an adaptation of Ismat Chughtai’s Lihaaf. A coming-of-age Drama, exploring the themes of Lesbianism and sexual abuse in modern India. The film was nominated for a Student Award at the River to River Festival in Italy.

In early 2011, Shakir had an in-house attachment with Agile Films under the mentorship of Kristian Brodie (Development Executive) and Adam Shakinovsky (Executive Producer) working on high-end 3D commercials to music videos and shorts. Shakir also works as a Runner, with most recent credits on My Week With
Marilyn (The Weinstein Company, BBC Films), Pete Versus Life (Objective Productions) and a currently untitled Sky Arts/Warp Films (This is England, Submarine, Four Lions) production.

Most recently Shakir has been on a development scheme with B3 Media/BBC Films which has led him to present as part of a showcase at BAFTA.

Shakir challenges the conflicts of Asian identity and culture through his storytelling, in a way that is inspirational and visually compelling- but not without a sense of irony and purpose.

Director's Vision

Being a British Asian and knowing first-hand the unique and culturally specific problems are often compartmentalized into the 'taboo' box. This documentary will not only plot Sejal's unique and dramatic journey but explore and challenge issues that effect so many in the Asian community- the expectation of marriage.

It will act as a commentary on the evolution of British Asian culture as well as Indian culture, its advancements and the current zeitgeist of opinion. Having travelled to India since the age of three and lived out there for two years what I have observed is that young Indians are fighting to be more Western and young Britons more Eastern- why is this important? What does this mean for the future of young people dating and marrying people for other cultures and religions?

I am a Writer and during my time in India I wrote a short Drama Lihaaf (watch online at- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvGCN8Y30qo) which is based on the coming-of-age of a young Muslim girl who finds the strength to leave in an act of defiance in the face of sexual abuse. The film was made on a micro budget, with only a few shooting days and a quick turnover time- many considered the task impossible. The success of the film was not only in how audiences received it and opening up a dialogue over 'controversial issues' but how the world of the characters was created by a strong understanding between departments in building a decadent tapestry of India. This was one reason I wanted to return to India with my first feature.

The landscape and soundscape of India is so rich that in itself it has its own story but the same talent who worked on Lihaaf currently work for the likes of Mukta Arts (Indian production company) and Prime Focus (International post-production company) and are experts in filming in claustrophobic and chaotic urban environments in India but also understand the sensibility we are after.

-Shakir Kadri

The Team

Director/Producer- Shakir Kadri

Director of Photography/ Camera Operator A- Shubham Kasera

Camera Operator B- Saleel Phatak

Sound- Nikhil Chauhan

Editor- Paul Reson (UK), Akshay Metha (India).

Other Ways You Can Help

Social Media

Get following Sejal's journey now on Twitter: @sejal_thefilm (http://twitter.com/sejal_thefilm)

"Sejal's diary of progress"- Sejal will write accounts of her journey on the film's website to date, with photograph stills showing where we are as well as video entries discussing men she has met, dates she has been on. There is also an opportunity to be involved in the film by posting up your own videos discussing problems, expectations, challenges and ideas you have of ways for Sejal's to meet suitors. 

Lord Krishna had a total of 16,108 wives all of them considered to be reincarnations of Goddess Lakshmi.